A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick.
An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..." He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself! "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.
A first date gives you only an imperfect snapshot of who a person really is.
Her real self—her hopes and dreams, her fears and sorrows—will start to emerge, like a beautiful mosaic, on the second date.
A quarter-century after his death comedy hero Tommy Cooper makes a strong showing in the list, which also includes gags by Peter Kay, Lee Evans and Canadian comic Stuart Francis.1. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything" ' 20.
He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.” She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.” Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one another. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried.
The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn.
The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber.
"Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.
Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.